


It's Just What They Do

by justafan (orphan_account)



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-14
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-02-25 08:25:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2615015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/justafan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I recently read an interview that the boys did during Season 1 of the show. They joked about making out, masturbation, and being naked... things I'd never imagine them saying now. And, it was during the time that they lived together so, I'm writing a story based off of it.<br/>The story:<br/>Apparently, Jared masturbates for hours every morning. They both love walking around naked, even with an erection. Jensen doesn't like Jared making gay jokes in public. Jensen gets mad and hijinks ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously, this is fiction... They're not gay. So, don't get butt hurt *wink, wink*  
> If you want to read the interview that is basically word for word at the beginning of this story, go to SuperWiki scrapbook for 2006. The only part of the interview in my story that wasn't part of the actual one was where Jensen complains about Jared taking a long time in the mornings, and Jared says something about Jensens 'pretty little ass'... That was from a youtube video, I'll try to find it, but it is part of an actual conversation they had.

“Who’s most famous celebrity you have made out with…?”

“Jensen.” Jared quipped without a second’s hesitation.

“You wish.” Jensen shook the suspicious smile from his face, and looked down to his shoes. He ignores how Jared keeps inching closer to him.

“So, Jared, Jensen says you take FOREVER to get ready in the morning…” The interviewer was smiling. I think she was trying to push their buttons.

“Oh he does, does he? Well, you know, I work out every morning. And, I take my dogs, so then, I’m all skanky. I have to shower, and eat. I can’t help it that I’m not naturally as pretty as him.” Jared is staring at Jensen mischievously.

“Oh my God” Jensen says with a laugh. Jared can see that he’s going to pay for this later. He notices Jensen’s forced laugh and the tension in his eyes currently hidden by thick, dark lashes.

“He just rolls his little… pretty ass out of bed, and he’s ready.” Jared adds. And, Jensen doesn’t know what to say, so he just rolls his eyes and settles on his best, ‘tired of your shit’ face. The interviewer seems to think his awkwardness is funny. She’s definitely team Jared.

“What’s the first thing you do in the mornings?” She asks them both.

“I masturbate to the Tom Cruise poster I have on my bedroom wall” Jared replies, and everyone in the tiny, crowded room laughs, except Jensen.

“Seriously! And you say I'm gay!” Jensen chimed in, and he noticed the sudden worry on Jared’s face. He was looking at all the recorders on the table and the interviewer scribbling his responses.

“Are you going to print this?” he asks, the interviewer doesn’t answer but she’s still taking notes.

“No, seriously. I get up and drink a lot of water, work out… and then masturbate” Jared says, and laughs. “No, I like to run about an hour every day. If it was as healthy to masturbate I'd rather do that for an hour… No, don't write that.”

Jensen’s face is in his hands, he can’t help but laugh now. He wonders how this moron can spout of that shit without thinking. He actually has to gain control of himself a little before he can answer the same question.

“I press the snooze button on my alarm clock and go back to sleep.” Jensen knew he needed to loosen up to get through this. He’d just beat the hell out of Jared later.

“Mhmm, So, do you guys walk around your house naked?” She wants to know.

“Yes.” They both answer, Jensen without thinking.

“It’s the most natural thing in the world” adds Jared.

“I love walking around naked.” Jensen says. He might as well play this shit up too.

“But not while it’s erect. That's uncomfortable. It's just wobbling around, so I put my boxers on to keep it in check.” Jared tells the interviewer then looks at Jensen, as if to see if he agrees.

“No, I don’t mind. I love walking around freely. Why lock it up when you’re at home? That’s one of the few places where you can draw some fresh air… I think it’s time to change the subject…” Jensen decides he’s done with the bullshit questions. Weren’t they supposed to be promoting the show anyway? The heat in his face dies down as the interviewer decides to cut the crap. They finish the interview focused on the show.

 

* * *

 

Jensen walks in the house first and slams his key onto the counter. He yanks the refrigerator open so hard that it moves out a little, and the ketchup falls off of the door. Jared watches him grab his beer and stalk to the basement without saying a word. Damn, he must’ve really pissed him off. Jared hangs his coat on a hook in the foyer, and he hears stuff banging around down stairs, but he doesn’t give it much thought. He assumes Jensen is just trying to make a statement. He picks up the ketchup then grabs some leftover pizza from the kitchen. He goes to slouch on the couch, and props his socked feet on the glass coffee table. He reaches his long arm as far as it would go plus an inch to grab the remote. Tosh.O… sounds good. He escapes into his show and doesn’t give Jensen another thought.

* * *

 

Jensen stomps down stairs and slams the basement door shut behind him. Stupid asshole, he thinks. Apparently he’d chugged half of the beer on the way down stairs, but he was not about to go back up for more. He was leaving Jared to stew about the stupid stunt he just pulled. The dumb fuck doesn’t realize that when he makes all those gay jokes, for some reason the only thing people take from it is, ‘HEY! JENSEN IS GAY. BUT NOT JARED, HIS SUPER STRAIGHT AND SEXY BEST FRIEND!’ They think, poor Jensen, he must love him so much… it’s so sad. Why can’t they see that Jared is the gay one?! Whatever. He pulls the rack from under the pool table and starts a game. He feels dumb playing pool by himself but he knows he needs to calm down. He knows it’s irrational to be this blindly pissed. Jared has always been goofy and inappropriate. That’s one of the main reasons Jensen loves him, ya know as friend. Or, I mean, that’s why they get along so well. But Jensen knows to stop the shit when there are cameras and recorders around. Jared doesn’t. He sets the rack onto the felt, his breath steadying. He pulls it off and picks up his stick to aim and break. He’s bent down, his button down shirt is falling open nearly touching the table. He’s intent on the white ball. Deciding whether to hit the bottom middle, or maybe the middle, left side. He’s thinking. Aiming. Jared is not on his mind. Nope. Just thinking about this game. Nowhere on his mind is his tall, dorky, fluffy haired, slightly gay friend. He pulls back the stick, it’s resting on his fingers… with force he launches it forward. But, not before he hears a roar of booming laughter coming from upstairs. The stick misses the ball completely, angling into the air, a few feet past his target. Jensen feels his shoulders tense. He stands up straight, stiff. He grits his teeth and closes his eyes. He’s snapped out of his sudden anger when he hears the wooden stick splinter in his hand. He’d hit it against the table…apparently. The top half was still clanging as it came to a halt on the tile floor and Jensen just stared at it. That jerk was upstairs laughing away obliviously. He was supposed to be up there feeling guilty about pissing off his best friend. Which made him more of an ass. Jensen couldn’t play the silent brooding part any longer.

 

* * *

 

Jared eyed Jensen innocently, half eaten cold pizza still in his hand. “What?” Jared actually seemed truly oblivious. “Do you really not get how fucking pissed I am at you right now?” _and do you know how close you are to an ass beating if you don’t quit looking at me with those stupid, innocent, sparkly, sweet… WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING!_ “And stop staring at me like that!”

Jared was quiet he still seemed shocked. “Like what?” he asked, verging on offended.

“Like… like… tha-I-sh- like you have no clue what’s going on!” He threw his hands out in the air. “You’re not stupid, Jared, stop pretending to be!” Jensen shook his head trying to form a thought worth arguing.

* * *

 

Jared was in the middle of a bite when he heard Jensen storming back up the steps. He turned to look at his obviously angry best friend.

“What?”

Yep. He was definitely still angry. He knew he’d been down there trying to make a statement, _I told ya so_ , he thought to himself. Jensen was rattling off some more crap about being mad, Jared didn’t really know what to say.

“And stop staring at me like that!” Jensen was yelling at him now.

“Like what?” He asked. Jensen looked like he was about to explode. He was stuttering, and shaking. That’s odd, he’s usually composed. All that time down stairs should’ve given him more time to make a better argument than this.

“Like… like… tha-I-sh- like you have no clue what’s going on!” Jensen’s hands were in the air. Jared thought for a minute he might actually be wanting to fight. “You’re not stupid, Jared, stop pretending to be!” Jared eyed Jensen, waiting for him to finish.

“Then stop talking to me like I am.” Jared sat his food on the table and stood up to match Jensen. “Obviously, you’re mad. I get it. I just think you’re being childish.” Jared’s voice was calm and even but firm. Jensen seemed stunned.

“Me! I’m the childish one? You were the one making jokes about jerking off in our interview! This is season ONE, Jared. You’re making us look like idiots! And fags! You’re making us look like gay idiots!”

“You are making yourself look like an idiot, Jensen. I’m 22 years old. I’m single. No one would expect me _to not_ make a jerking off joke. It was a joke. I knew it, they knew it, the fans will know it, so what’s your problem?” Jared still doesn’t understand his friends rage.

Jensen walked away from him. He seemed to have calmed down. He was standing at the sink looking out the window but not really at anything particular.

“Because. It’s never going to end. They always ask, ‘so how close are you *wink*’ and we all know about the fanfiction.” Jensen looked down into the sink, almost smiling to himself. Jared noticed the small glimmer in his eyes.

“What?” Jared said quietly. “Fanfiction? You’re mad because millions of people that we don’t know are wishing we were… ‘together.’ What does that have to do with anything?” Jared was truly confused. He could’ve understood if Jensen was mad because he’d embarrassed him. Or, if he was worried about his parents seeing his boner jokes, but really? He’s mad because he doesn’t want people to think they’re gay? Jensen still hadn’t answered. “Seriously man, what is wrong with you? Last night I told you to cook me supper like a good little bitch or you weren’t getting my cock for a week. You told me to fuck off. You didn’t get mad. I don’t make those jokes to be an asshole, I just make them because that’s how we are. It’s what we do. Why is it ok like that here, but not where people can see? Why are you taking this so seriously?” Jared rested against the sink next to Jensen, trying to resolve this ridiculous fight.

“It’s not a joke and that’s not how we are.” Jensen let go of the counter and moved away again. Jared stood straight and started to follow.

“What’s not a joke? The gay shit? Tell me man, ‘cuz I have no idea where you’re going with this.” Jensen stopped. “You gotta tell me or I won’t know.” Jared’s voice sounded pleading even to his own ears. He was close to Jensen again. The buttons of Jared’s shirt brushing against the material on Jensen’s back.

“Look.” Jensen finally said. “I’m done fighting with you. I just don’t like that people think I’m in love with you. I don’t think we should encourage them.” Jared couldn’t help but notice Jensen still wouldn’t make eye contact with him.

“You still haven’t told me why it bothers you so much” Jared asked him trying to sound as open and confiding as possible. Jared stared at Jensen waiting for any form of an answer. He didn’t exactly get one but he heard something that sounded an awfully like Jensen calling him a moron, and he was gone. Jared didn’t expect Jensen to be back at all that night. He had a lot of time to think about it, and he still had no clue what all of that was about. The fight still didn’t make sense to him. He doesn’t know why it’d be such a bad thing for them to be in love.

 

* * *

 

Jensen latched the door of his hotel and threw the key card on the desk. It’d be his home for the night. He couldn’t stand to be so close to Jared right now. He flicked on the light and set what was left of his fifth on the end table. He stripped to his boxers and threw himself on the bed. He didn’t wanna be in this bed. He wanted his own. His pillow, not this one with the weird smell. He wanted his room, the one with Jared’s right next to his. He wanted to know Jared was with him. He hated fighting with him like this but he just doesn’t feel like he can go on. Being so close, but so far from Jared. He knows he shouldn’t be bothered by people thinking he loves his best friend. He use to ignore it. But then every now and again, he’d watch Jared. He noticed him a little more than any friend should notice their friend. He got to the point where he became aware of Jared, the way that he’d be aware of a girl he was interested in. Like, watching him flip his hair, or seeing the sparkle in his eyes. When Jared would hug him he shouldn’t feel the rush of electricity through his insides. He was always paranoid that someone might notice how he was a little happier than normal when he was with Jared. He worried that someone would notice how he opened up to Jared, without even meaning to. Jared made him feel free, and careless, like nothing else in the world mattered. Jensen rolled over and grabbed the nearly empty bottle of alcohol. He downed the last of it and curled on his side into himself. He had gotten to this room feeling hopeless. Helpless. Like he wanted to go to sleep, and not wake up until he was in some alternate universe where Jared loved him. In the same way that he felt it himself. A sudden spark of hope.

_Jared said if you don’t tell me then I won’t know… what does that mean? Didn’t he sound kind of funny when he said it? Like, he was begging almost. Hmmm.. he was really concerned with wanting a black and white answer. He kept asking why it bothered me. At some point he’d said he wasn’t being an asshole in the interview, he was just being normal. He said it’s what we do. Well I’ll show him what we do._

Jensen smiled to himself and fell fast asleep.

 

* * *

 

Jared woke to the clanging of pans. He guessed Jensen was home early, or at least hoped it since if not, some random person was in the kitchen. Jared debated getting up. He wanted their fight to be over. He didn’t want to think about it anymore. He had just told a funny version of the truth in the interview. He shouldn’t be shunned for being himself.

_So, I made a gay joke. Big deal. I was just kidding, the way we do. I was just trying to be funny. He needs to get over it. He does gay shit too. He just got mad ‘cuz people are gonna find out. I wonder if that’s the only reason he cares so much. Man… I don’t wanna get out of bed… I really hope he’s not mad._

Jared’s heart dropped a little in his chest. He could talk a lot of crap, but he couldn’t stand the idea of Jensen being mad at him. He decided on getting up. He shuffled his socked feet around the partition, heading for the pot of coffee that he’d smelled earlier. He didn’t really have much to say to Jensen he was really hoping they’d just move on. He heard the timer go off and looked up to see Jensen for the first time.

“umm… what’s going on?” Jared was near speechless. He had seen Jensen’s bare ass and now was looking away.

“I’m getting biscuits out of the oven.” Jensen replied, like he wasn’t standing there totally naked.

Jared looked back up to see Jensen bent over, the only cloth touching his body was the pot holder in his hand, as he reached for the biscuits. He looked at his best friend’s bare ass, it was either naturally a little spread from the bowed legs, or Jensen was putting on a show.

“I see that…” Jared looked back down at his socks, they were suddenly interesting. “Is there a reason you’re naked?”

Jensen sat the biscuits on the counter and took a step towards the coffee pot.

“I’m surprised you noticed. I mean, it is… ‘what we do.’” Jared looked up to see Jensen’s quizzical face. He had a mischievous glimmer in his eye. His stare didn’t stay there for long. They were immediately drawn down to Jensen’s fully erect dick. It was literally bouncing. Jensen had to be doing that on purpose. “Cream?” Jensen asked cheerfully while holding out a cup of hot coffee to Jared. But, his friend’s eyes weren’t on the steaming coffee. They were on the shining head of his best friend’s penis. It was twitching playfully and nonchalantly grazing against the bottle of creamer. Jared was speechless. He hadn’t known that his mouth was open until he snapped it shut, and evilly eyed Jensen and his smirk.

“Fair enough” was all Jared could say, and he turned back towards his room. He didn’t know what Jensen was doing, or why. He still couldn’t really form any complete thoughts. His mind was stuck on the sight of Jensen’s swollen, and damn him, glistening penis. He didn’t know what Jensen was thinking, and he for damn sure didn’t know why his own cock was instantly painfully hard. But, he did catch the smartass comment about it being what they do. And, Jensen was going to pay for that in the morning.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared does what he does every morning. Happy and smutty, hope you guys like it =)

 

Jensen was sitting in the driveway. His head resting against the cool tinted glass of Jared's car window. 6am was too early for even the sun to be up. He was feeling like his naturally grumpy-cuz-its-early self. He'd never understand how anyone could wake up cheerful. Or productive for that matter. He'd heard Jared get up at 4 like usual, he should be getting out of the shower right now. Jensen assumed it'd be about 15 minutes longer for Jared to dress and get in the car with still wet hair, and they'd be on their way to set. Maybe today they'd only be 20 minutes late instead of the usual 45. Jared always joked and said 'its not like they'll fire us' but Jensen still felt bad about it being a routine. He closed his eyes trying to capture a few last precious moments of sleep intending to wake up in less than 30 minutes in the studio parking lot. He woke up with a crick in his neck and like he couldn't remember what year it was. Or what planet he was on. It took him a few hefty blinks before anything made sense. He looked at his phone for the time and it read 7:49am. TWO HOURS!!! What the fuck has Jared been doing for two hours! He staggered out of the car stiff from the uncomfortable sleep. He slammed the door, half hoping the hinges would break. He stormed in the house aggravated as hell. He slung his coat onto the counter and threw his keys hoping Jared would hear his disapproval. He stomped up the stairs searching for his roommate. He could faintly hear his breathing coming from the makeshift workout room. If Jared made them this late just so he could finish his workout, he swore he was going to- he slammed the door back letting the handle bang into the wall behind it-

"JA-!" The syllable of his name started with anger and ended with a hard on.

Jared was lying face up, completely naked on his weight bench. His long legs sprawled out to either side of the bench. His hair was sweat stuck to his face, his bottom lip was between his teeth. His expression was a mix of breathless need and pure ecstasy. The moment he heard Jensen he made a split second of eye contact and threw his head back onto the bench. He started fist fucking his hand even harder than he had been before and he let out a pornstar groan. Jensen watched speechless letting his jaw fall open. Jared's face was so gone it was ridiculous. The sweat droplets ran from his neck to his chest making his tanned skin shine. Even his legs were muscular. His heels were planted but his toes were twisted awkwardly into the air by pleasure. Jared's strong hands were working merely as a hole for Jared to thrust up into. His back was arched and he let out another breathy moan. Jensen was just watching. In awe. How did god ever think to make a creature this unrealistically beautiful yet full of pure... pure heaven? Pure love? No that's not the word... he's so fucking gorgeous but pure... evil. Yep that's what he's looking for.

Jensen absent-mindedly rubs at the painful bulge beneath his zipper. He's just adjusting so it'll feel better. He thinks he needs to adjust again. Maybe this time he can fix his boxers... he unzips his jeans and tries to smooth the soaked cloth over his penis. Its already wet on the end... he just needs to wipe it off. He runs his palm over the head then down the shaft... just to get it all. Wait, why is he even here? Shouldn't he have shut the door and ran in horror. Oh, who the hell is he kidding? He's totally watching his best friend fuck himself into oblivion, while jerking off at the site. He couldn't think enough to even try to be subtle. He’s pumping his slick length in sync with Jared and he can tell he's already about to lose it. He wants to close his eyes but he can't miss a second of this show. The only part of Jared that was touching the bench now was the back of his neck. The rest of him was arched and twisted, covered in sweat and bucking wildly into the air. Jensen accidentally let's his own whimper escape, and at the sound, Jared is shooting his load into the air, it lands on his already sweat wet stomach. Jensen sees that Jared came at the sound of his moan and the realization sends him over. He pumps himself empty letting the cum fall to the floor, ending slowly. He opens his eyes and he's back on earth. Jared is still on his back, his cock softening against his stomach. He's just staring at Jensen. All lustful and fatigued.

Jensen doesn't have to think now, he just acts naturally.

_Fuck the haters, fuck the stereotypes. He's not a 'homo'sexual, he's a 'Jared'sexual. Who wouldn't be?_ He thinks.

He acts on instinct and walks slowly over to the starry eyed, beautiful mess that is his best friend. Jared doesn't look scared or nervous... he just looks like he's happy. Jensen throws a leg over the bench, meaning Jared, and sits on his thighs. Jared is looking at him expectantly, but still patient. Jensen looks into his eyes for a moment just letting it all in. He can feel the love beaming out of his own eyes, and he knew Jared would see it too. He leans down until he feels Jared's wet mess seeping into his own shirt. He presses his lips to his best friends, slowly at first but meeting with certainty. He feels Jared's hot breath mix with his own and the soft moisture of their lips dancing together. For the first time in his life he doesn't feel lost. The kiss is slow, but building. More passionate than he's ever known, oh... what's that feeling? Breathless? Yeah, it was breathtaking... wait... literally. Jensen remembers that oxygen is his friend. He has no choice but to pull away leaving them both gasping. For some reason Jensen giggles.

 

"What?" Jared smiles up.  


"We're late" Jensen is kidding, kind of. At that Jared laughs and pulls Jensen back down into a hug. He's lying flat against Jared's cum soaked abdomen with his ear pressed to his friends chest, focusing on the feeling of Jared's arms wrapped tight around him. He feels 'home' ... if that makes sense.

'But this is what I do every morning.'

Jensen snaps up and gives Jared a confused look.

"Masturbate for hours, remember?" Jared breaks into a smile, and Jensen playfully smacks his chest. Before laying back down into it. Jared puts his arms back where they belong.

"Would it ruin this if I said I think I love you?" Jensen listened to Jared's heart, for any indication that he'd just made a huge mistake.

"What about the world?" Jared questioned.

"Fuck the world." _You're my world_ , Jensen thought. Jared was quiet for a minute before tightening his grip on his lover.

"Would it ruin this if I said I love you too?" Jared could feel Jensen smile against his bare chest. It seemed like an eternity in one sense but a split second in another. They laid there together, both content with never moving.

"So... not to be a downer but... I'm cold... and still naked" Jared finally broke the silence, playfully. Jensen sat up with a sigh.

"Yeah, and we both need a shower" he tilted his chin down and raised his eyebrows giving Jared a 'ya wanna do it?' face. Jared couldn’t help but laugh.

"But we're late" Jared reminded him with a smirk. Jensen groaned disapprovingly and finally stood, allowing Jared to do the same.

"What are we gonna do next time we have an interview?" Jensen asked, somewhat as an afterthought.

"What we always do" Jared laughed too loudly at himself, and walked out of the room. But not before Jensen could smack his bare butt for the smartass comment, then followed him to the shower with a smile.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared continues to struggle with Jensen being so reserved.

"You know, I don't know why you try so hard to look good. You could not shower or shave for a week, then roll up in there wearing holey ten year old sweatpants, and you'd still be the most gorgeous thing any of them had ever seen." Jared wraps his arms around his boyfriend from behind and watches him primp himself, while Jared rests his head on his shoulder.

 

"That's sweet. Bullshit, but sweet." Jensen tells him.

 

"It's not bullshit. Just ask any of our fans."

 

"These people aren't our fans though. We know our fans... These people are gonna be rabid."

 

"You'll be great, Jen. You always are." Jared let's go of Jensen's waist and stands up.

 

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

 

"You sure have. But, you can always refresh my memory." Jared's tone is utterly happy.

 

"Mhm. Well, I do. You're pretty amazing."

 

"Thank you, baby. You're not so bad yourself." Jared smiles at him like he's the best thing that's ever happened in his life.

 

"Hey, is this straight?" Jensen gets distracted, and turns to face Jared then points at his tie.

 

"As straight as you are." Jensen gives him a look that says 'if I had a baseball bat I'd hit you in the head with it.' "By the way, don't even think about startin' that crap tonight?" Jensen warns him. 

 

"Define tonight" Jared comes to tighten and fix Jensen's tie.

 

"Jared" he says flatly.

 

"Tonight, as in during the awards? Or, tonight, like when we're back home and you're begging me to fuck you, is it OK if I act gay then?" Jared was joking, but Jensen wasn't in the mood. He turns around, jerking Jared's hands away from him.

 

"Don't be an ass, you know what I mean." 

 

Jared answers his ringing cell.

"Hey, what's up?"... "I am, but Jensen's still perttyin' himself up." He hears Jensen mumbling expletives under his breath. ..."yep, be down in a few" He hangs up.

 

"Cliff's waiting. I told him you were finishin' up."

 

Jensen shuts off the bathroom light and grabs his coat. "I'm completely serious, Jared, tone down the innuendo tonight"

 

"Don't worry, we've talked about this: we're straight in public."

 

Jensen gets out his keys to lock the door. "Thank you" he tells Jared and gives him a quick peck on the cheek before they head to the car.

* * *

 

Neither of the boys are quite accustomed to large amounts of people, or press. Of course they do conventions but that's a few hundred people, and it feels casual, like a family. This however, the teen choice awards, will have thousands of people there. They'll have to face A list celebrities, and even have to present a couple of awards. Not only are there thousands present, but there are millions at home watching. Of course they're nervous. Jensen probably a little more so than Jared.

The ride is mostly quiet. They get out of the car and are smacked in the face with the reality of their situation. A reporter immediately hounds Jensen while Jared is called a few feet away for his own interview.

 

Jensen silently freaks out when he sees the line of reporters and notices that Jared isn't beside him. But, its OK. He's an adult, he'll handle this. He gets through the first few awkwardly. They just ask about what season the show is in, and how it feels to be at the award show. They're no brained questions. He's on his fourth or fifth interview, and he still isn't sure where Jared is.

 

"Do you often read critic's reviews of your work?" The reporter asks him, sounding bored with her own question.

 

"Well, I get them indirectly, so I guess I'd say yeah. I don't search them out, but sometimes managers or whoever send them to me... I don't really want to look but its just one of those things, ya know, you have to look." He stares at the reporter, waiting for the next question. He wonders how bad it'd be if he made an excuse to pass up the rest and just go ahead inside. 

 

"What about movies you want to go see, do you read their reviews?" Seriously, who comes up with these questions?

 

"No, I like to go in with an open mind and make those decisions for myself." He gives her a death glare. Trying to make his impatience tangible. 

 

"What makes a good critic?"

 

"An honest pers-" what the actual fuck! There are hands grabbing at his face from the side, pulling him in for a kiss. He sees lips, he sees... Jared. Of course! Who the hell else would it be!

 

"Get off of me!" Jensen swats him away, but before he finishes his sentence Jared has already ran off, laughing the entire time.

 

The reporter looks at Jensen expectantly. He knows he should laugh, or smile, really any response would be good. But, he just looks at her dumbly, his brain focused on the intricate and evil ways that he will pay Jared back. The English vocabulary doesn't contain enough words to convey the amount of rage that Jensen is feeling. 

 

"Sorry, where was I?" He manages to speak. 

 

Jensen gets through his press a split second before he's called to meet up with Jared backstage. He stands beside the taller smiling man without a word. He's sure that Jared can feel the anger seeping through him.

 

Jared leans in to whisper. "Don't be so mad, I thought it'd lighten you up."

 

Jensen turns away from him still quietly waiting for their cue.

 

"You know I didn't mean anything by it. I promised nothing gay in public."

 

Jensen snarls sharply under his breath. "That wasn't considered public to you?"

 

"Well, no. I didn't declare my love for you, it was just a pretend kiss. No one will think anything of it."

 

Jensen doesn't reply.

 

"Come on man, no one's gonna know" Jared was still trying to console his pissed off secret lover when they were told to enter stage. They proceed with their presentation as if they're not together, and as if Jensen isn't mad. They are actors after all. They're sure that no one will suspect a thing. When its over and they're back behind the curtains Jared finds Jensen again.

 

"Are you gonna stay mad at me? I'm sorry. You know I'll make it up to you." 

"It's not public unless people notice, right?" Jensen gives him a mysterious smile and walks away. 

 

Jared isn't sure if Jensen's still mad or not. But, he's pretty sure he doesn't like the way that Jensen just got reserved, or the way he smiled as he walked away. It kind of reminded him of that time when Jensen said something like, "its what we do isn't it?" as he was standing butt naked in the kitchen.

* * *

 

Jensen is hidden behind the giant surf boards at the far sides of upstage. He knows that no one can see him, or will find him. He finds a position where he comfortably has a clear view of Jared who is on stage sitting by a hot tub filled with girls in bikinis, waiting for the lights to come up from the commercial break.

 

Jensen situates his headset. The headset that he had to sneak to get. The headset that is the one and only direct line to Jared's ear piece. Jensen hears the countdown from five that's letting Jared know he's about to be on. And little does anyone know, so is Jensen. At the number three Jensen speaks into his mic. He can see the immediate reaction in Jared's expression but Jared only has three seconds until he's live. He can't respond. 

 

"Hey there baby" Jensen grins to himself at Jared's surprised and downright frightened expression. 

 

"If I catch you looking twice at those big titted little bimbos at your feet, I'm gonna have to shove my whole cock in your ass, without workin' you open one bit." He sees Jared's wide eyes and his hard swallow. 

 

"Maybe I'll just come out there right now and rub your face into my crotch. You think they'd back off of you then?" Jared's presentation isn't long so Jensen knows he needs to step up his game to really get to Jared. 

 

"You wanna see how hard I am? I can't help but think about those pretty little lips of yours stretched open wide over my dick. God, Jared, I'm oozing. Don't you wanna taste it?" He can see Jared's struggling to be composed.

 

"But, I bet you'd like that wouldn't you? If the whole world could see you suck me off? Right now? I'm gonna make you do it sweetheart. I'm gonna rub my throbbing slit on the roof of your mouth. I want to feel your tonsils swell around my cock, baby. I want to fuck your throat, and I bet you wanna swallow me right down. I'll fill your face up with my sweet seed, how would you like that, Jared?" Jensen sees that Jared is on the verge of coming, just from being talked off. Jensen didn't consider the adverse affects this would have on himself. He shifts his pants a bit then continues.

 

"That's my cum right there, I know you want to drink it up." Jared had a smoothie on stage. For some reason he was instructed to take a drink of it during his presentation. But, because of the filth radio in his ear, at that moment he accidentally spills it on himself. Jensen can't help, but grin. 

 

"That works too. You can wear me, like a trophy. For the world to see that you're a little slut for me." He hears Jared acknowledge to the crowd how he just spilled his drink. Jensen is the only person in the world that knows its because Jared had just came in his cute little swim trunks. Jensen takes off his headset, and goes to wait for Jared.

 

"Seriously?! What the HELL did you think you were doing?!" Jared is fuming. But, Jensen still notices the 'just fucked' glow.

 

"What? No one heard. So, it's OK if no one knows, right? It wasn't public..." Jensen is smiling. Looking smug and accomplished. 

 

Jared has no words for Jensen. He's astounded, and outraged. It takes everything in him to keep from punching a few walls. He storms off. The only thing keeping him from killing Jensen, is the fact that he knows payback is gonna be so much more fun than murder.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh, looks like the honeymoon is over :-/

Jared and Jensen were sitting across from one another at the Padalecki family dinner table. Jared’s mother was asking about their flight, and how their travel was. Jared’s sister was preparing food for the cookout, and random people were running in and out. Jensen was mildly bored, but content with the conversation until he felt a prod at his crotch. He stirs from shock, and glances down to notice Jared’s foot between his legs. No way in hell is that fuckhead going to do this here. Jensen shifts, trying to push Jared’s foot off of his chair. Jared’s mother had her back turned to them, putting groceries away into the cupboards. Thank god.

“Don’t even think about it” Jensen warns under his breath. Jared just grins.

“What was that?” Jared’s mom asks. Jensen clear his throat.

“Oh I was just talking to myself, Mrs. Padalecki.” Jensen assures her.

“Please, you’re like family Jensen.” She walks over and puts a hand on his shoulder. “Call me Sharon.” Jared nudges at Jensen again, giving him a few massaging strokes.

“Of course, Sharon.” Jensen tries to smile up at her, he knows he must look like an idiot.

It’s been a few days since he’s gotten a release, if you know what I mean. Their schedule has been crazy, and tonight is the first night they’ll even have spent together since hiatus. And come on, it’s in Jared’s parent’s house. Although his mind knows it’d be crazy and disrespectful to try anything here, his cock gives a twitch, letting him know that it didn’t get the memo. Jensen shifts again, and uses his foot to kick at Jared’s shin.

“You boys ok?” Sharon questions them suspiciously.

“Fine, momma, just jet lagged.” She doesn’t look at them again, and Jared bites at his bottom lip. He’s sucking it in, while he rubs and pushes at Jensen’s penis through his jeans. He sees Jensen’s eyes go distant and his hips come forward a little. He’s actually going along with this. Just that thought makes Jared feel a spark of interest in his own pants. Jared licks his lips, and doesn’t break eye contact with Jensen. That doesn’t keep him from noticing the white knuckling grip that Jensen has on the table. Jensen’s head falls back a little, as Jared’s strokes get more determined.

“You coming?”

Jensen snaps up straight in his chair, and Jared makes a coughing sound. Jensen turns to see Mrs. Padalecki holding a pan of raw steaks, heading out to the patio.

“Sure thing, just give us a minute.” Jared tells her. She seems confused, but like it isn’t worth troubling with. She shakes her head at her son’s odd behavior and goes about her way.

“This has to stop.” Jensen growls at him.

“I owe you for the awards. And that didn’t count, you didn’t come.” He says matter of factly.

“No, Jared, it has to stop.”

“Whatever.” Jared gets up to go help his mom.

“Does that mean you’ll let it go?”

“Nope” Jared says cheerfully, before he’s out the door.

* * *

 

 

Jensen was sitting cross legged on a mound of flattened grass. He had Jared’s legs strewn across his lap, and he only pretended to dislike it. Jared was propped back on his elbows, talking to Jensen. They were supposed to be barbequing, but they both decided they needed some alone time. Less than two hours into the visit, the two opted to take a walk.

Jared knew the land well. He’d grown up here, and some things you just can’t forget. There was a spot that he’d come to think of as his own. It was to the side of an abandoned pasture, surrounded by honeysuckles. As a teen, he’d ride one of their four-wheelers to this place where he’d just sit and contemplate for hours. It was his own personal hole in the world, where he could just exist. He didn’t have to think, or pretend. When he was in this place, his whole life felt like it was on pause. He didn’t have to try. He could just be. Jared had never told anyone about this place, let alone, brought someone to it. But, for some reason he didn’t find it strange when that’s where his feet led him during the walk with Jensen.

Jensen watched Jared quizzically. The man had plucked hay from the soil. He was holding it above his head, examining the featherlike weed in the sun. Twirling it, almost absent mindedly.

“I can’t believe you won’t let me tell them we’re together.” Jared scolds at Jensen.

“We agreed.” Jensen speaks soft but sure.

“We agreed that we’d hide in public. My family isn’t ‘public,’ Jensen.”

“I know, it’s just soon.” He doesn’t want to talk about this anymore.

“They already suspect it, it’s not like they’d be that surprised.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Jensen asks him.

“I didn’t know it made you feel bad to be with me.” Jared retorts.

“You know that isn’t what I meant.”

“Then what do you mean?” Jared sounds offended.

“Look, I love you, ok? Can’t that be enough for now?” Jensen’s eyes are pleading.

“I guess it has to be, now doesn’t it?” Jared sounds like he’s done talking too. Both of their minds seem made up. And they’re not on the same side. But, neither of them like fighting.

“So, how’d you find this place?” Jensen asks him, trying to change the subject. Jared tosses the weed aside and picks another.

“I don’t know. Me and my brothers use to ride the trails all through here. For some reason I just decided I liked this one more than the others.”

“Weirdo.” Jensen smiles at him, just a second before he feels the tickle of a piece of hay falling after the impact with his face. He meets Jared’s smug grin, and the tension breaks.

“You’re gonna pay for that!” Jensen fakes rage. Before Jared can think, his legs fall to the ground, losing Jensen’s lap as support. Jensen is standing and imitating kicks to his best friend’s abdomen.

“You’re going to throw shit, at ME?!” He ‘yells’ in a whisper, while pretending to hurt Jared. He’s too distracted by how funny he thinks he is, to notice when Jared shifts. He grabs the leg on the next kick, and pulls his friend to the ground with a thud.

The ground is cool, and damp beneath him. Jensen is genuinely taken back by the hard landing on the unforgiving ground. But, the breath isn’t knocked out of him until Jared is leaning over him smiling. Jensen’s eyes draw to Jared’s teeth. To his pink moist lips. How delicious they look. It takes him a second for his brain to work again. He starts flailing, and shaking his head side to side.

“Your girl hair is tickling my face!”

“Oh yeah? Is this better?” Jared leans down closer into Jensen. He uses the time that Jensen is distracted to whip his neck vigorously. Causing his hair to become a tickling blizzard for Jensen’s eyes and nose to be lost in. Jensen tries to be annoyed but he can’t help the laughs that escape. He makes spitting noises.

“Ok, ok, you win.” With that, Jared sits back. He runs his hands through his hair trying to tame it.

“That’s what I thought.” His smile slowly fades. They’re both hit with the eerie quiet of the pasture. And the tension creeps back in, like its’ weight is tangible. Jensen sits up next to Jared. He wraps an arm around Jared’s and rests against his side. He puts his lips to the fabric on Jared’s bicep, and kisses the man’s shoulder softly.

“Just give me a little time, I promise, we’ll get there.” He speaks almost inaudibly into Jared’s arm. He doesn’t hear a response. So, after a few seconds he looks up to Jared’s face. It’s full of reserve, and that scares him more than any other emotion he could’ve seen. Jared’s never been reserved. Even with strangers. Seeing the emotion now, in this place, and towards him… it feels like gloom, like his heart is wrung. He feels like he should apologize, but he doesn’t know how without compromising his stance.

“We should be getting back.” Jared stands and starts walking without further acknowledgement to Jensen.

 

* * *

 

“Look who decided to show up!” Jeff yells playfully as he sees Jared at the edge of their property line. “Did Jensen get lost?”

“He’s on his way.” Jared walks up the wooden steps of their deck, his head down. He knows that Jeff can sense his mood.

“You guys ok?” His brother has always has been nosey. Jared sits in a patio chair close to the grill that Jeff is using.

“I don’t know…” Jared looks down, where his hopes are.

“Here.” Jeff holds out a beer. “You wanna talk?”

“I couldn’t even if I did.” Jared spits out, sarcasm, directed at no one.

“What’s that mean? Did he threaten you?” Jeff throws the tongs onto the grill’s table. “I’ll kick his ass” He starts for the stairs, going after Jensen until Jared stops him.

“No, nothing like that.” Jared smiles at his brother’s possessive reaction. “Thanks for the backup though.” Jared sits back down, and Jeff returns to his hickory smoked, masterpieces. He picks the tongs back up, and calms himself down a bit.

“Then, what do you mean you can’t talk?”

“It’s complicated.” Jared sinks back into his depression.

“It doesn’t have to be, ya know.” Jeff’s trying to comfort him. “Maybe… you don’t have as much to tell as you think” He’s speaking quietly now.

Jared knows, that Jeff knows. It doesn’t take a genius to figure it out. They all see how Jared acts when he’s with Jensen. The sheer fact that Jensen is here, tells them more than enough. Jared doesn’t bring people to his family home. He never has.

“He’s making it complicated” Jared starts picking at the label of his beer. Jeff sits the tongs down and closes the lid on the grill. He takes a seat next to Jared, and puts his serious face on.

“Do you love him?” He asks outright, and Jared is caught off guard.

“What? No… pssh… why would you, I mean what…” Jared takes a breath. “Maybe” He breathes out.

“So what’s the problem? He doesn’t love you back? Cuz you know I can kick his ass?” Jeff seems to think he has this all figured out. Jared laughs.

“No, he does. He says he does at least. That’s why I don’t understand our issue. His issue.”

“Maybe he’s just scared. He’s kinda a pud.”

“Why should he be scared? If we have a good thing, then shouldn’t he embrace it instead of running from it?” Jared starts to get himself mad.

“It’s not that easy, Jare. Not everyone is as open as you.”

“So you go from kicking his ass, to taking up for him?” Jared questions.

“I’m not ‘taking up’ for anyone. I’m just saying.” Jeff stands again, to go back to his cooking.

“Well if he has an issue with my ‘openness’ he should’ve figured that out before now.”

“He did, didn’t he?” Jeff asks.

“Why would you say that?”

“Aren’t you two always fighting about crap like that? Like, how ‘open’ you guys can be?”

“No, not really.” Jared replies. He thinks about everything that has happened. How they got together. They didn’t really talk about this stuff, they just happened and went with it. Maybe the pranks about their closeness is more serious than he’d thought. It’d always just been fun to him. Jeff doesn’t say anything else. Jared wonders if Jensen really did get lost, because he still isn’t back.

“Uncle Jared!” Cute little Stephanie appears from nowhere and plops into Jared’s lap. He wraps both arms around her, immediately forgetting his troubles.

“Niece Stephanie!” Hey yells back at her excitedly.

“Are you going to stay here tonight?” She asks him sweetly. He notices her platinum blonde pigtails, and that she has a tooth missing. Probably her first one.

“I don’t know… I’ve heard it’s haunted here…” He fakes fear. The little girl slaps at his arm.

“You’re lying!” She grins, not quite sure whether to believe him or not.

“I am not! But the ghosts only hunt the little girls inside the house. If you sleep outside, they won’t bother you.” Jared tells her certainly.

“Sleep outside?” She’s openly concerned now.

“Yep. They can’t get you if you aren’t inside.”

“Jared’s lying, Stephanie. He’s mean like that.” Jeff tells her.

“Hey now, I’m not lying. It really is haunted.”

“Whatever! I knew you were lying!” Stephanie tells him with a ‘nanner nanner boo boo’ tone.

“Ok, maybe I was lying a little. They really only want children that have lost teeth already, so you’re safe right?” The little girl’s face completely falls. She looks scared for her life. Jared has to give in now. He stands, holding the girl. He has an arm around her back, and one under her knees. He spins, letting her feel like she’s falling to the ground. She throws her back with a squeal.

“Maybe I was lying. But, you’re so gullible.” He tells her, laughing, and reverses direction of the spin.

“What’s gullible mean?” She stops her cackling to ask.

“It means old” Jared lies playfully again.

“I’m not gullible, you’re gullible.” She teases back at him. Jared stops the spinning when he sees that Jensen is standing at the bottom of the steps watching them. He sets his niece on her feet and straightens her clothes.

“You’re probably right.” He tells her, while eyeing Jensen. The little girl goes happily on her way, and Jared walks over to Jensen.

“You sure took your time.” Jared tells him. But, Jensen doesn’t retort.

“I think we should talk.” Jensen suggests somberly, and Jared’s heart drops through his stomach.

“We’re not that good at talking.” Jared reminds him softly.

“Please?” Jensen stares into him. His eyes pouring out plead and distress. Jared can’t say no that face. And he needs this dreaded feeling to go away. But that thought strikes something close to pure panic. This will be it. The feeling will either turn to misery, or elatedness. There’s not going to be anything in between after they have this talk.

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how this story turned into this, but anyway... this is it. Hope ya'll don't hate it.

Jared takes a second to gather himself. He can’t begin to predict what direction this proposed ‘talk’ is going to go. And Lord help him, if it’s going to be the end of this, the end of them, then he doesn’t want it to happen at his parent’s house.

“Is this a talk that should wait?” Jared asks. Then adds, “We can go back tonight if you want.”

Jensen doesn’t look at him, and that’s a bad sign.

“You don’t have to leave early. You never get to see your family.”

Jared senses the tense reserve in his voice.

“So, _you don’t have to leave_ , as in, you do. Which means you want to leave, and you want me to stay.” Jared is feeling insulted. He’s feels like the one person who he would’ve thought would be on his side forever, is suddenly fighting against him.

“Don’t be like that, Jared. You know I just feel out of place.” Jensen feels about two inches tall.

“You couldn’t have figured that out before you came?”

Jensen’s gaze goes to his boots. He prods at some rust marks on the concrete patio. He’s weighing his options. He doesn’t know what to do. How to feel. Let alone what to say. The silence is stretching.

“Fine, go.” Jared turns his back to Jensen, suddenly feeling the need to help in the kitchen. “You know where your bags are.”

He leaves Jensen speechless. Jensen knows he should try to mend this. He knows Jared’s anger is really just hurt. God knows that was the last thing Jensen would ever want to do. But, he can’t make himself speak. Words are a foreign thing in a lost land, hidden in a dusty locked trunk somewhere in his subconscious. Somehow he gathers the strength to walk. He gets his things, and before he even thinks about saying goodbye to the Padalecki’s, he’s in a cab on the way to the airport.

 

Jared is sitting in his bedroom poking at the eyes of an old stuffed animal. He’s thinking about how the worst part of fighting with Jensen, is that when he needs to talk to someone about something like this, Jensen is his person. What do you do when the only person you want to talk to, is the same person that you need to talk about? He smooths the dull matted fur of the stuffed animal. The whole bear is pretty unsightly really. He remembers the thing. Its name was Bear. Which was so original because he felt like as a guy, he shouldn’t have owned a stuffed bear. Much less gave one a name. On the other hand, he felt like his favorite toy had deserved to be called something besides an ‘it’. He’d had Bear as long as he could remember. He rubs of his thumbs over the brown belly, and apologized in his mind to it. Apologized for being ashamed of it as a child. Once he started middle school he’d told his parents that he’d thrown the bear away, and barely recalled its’ existence. He would never admit to having hid it. Even as a teen, when life got to be too much to handle, he’d get Bear out. He’d hold it and think about all the other times he’d held it. He’d think about how life has changed, but the bear was always the same. It was a little silly piece of home, it was a constant, and even now he found comfort in it. He’d been wondering if Jensen got home safe, but didn’t want to text him. He wanted to pretend like he didn’t care. Jensen didn’t need to know how vulnerable he is. How weak. Jared was pressing the loose threads back into the form of a mouth, when his mother knocked softly before entering.

He looks up at her. Kind but waiting.

“You ok, honey?” She shuts the door, and sits quietly beside her son.

Jared intends to lie. He intends to tell her that he’s fine, and that she’s silly for worrying. He wants to pretend to be ok, because that’s what he’s done for his entire life. He pretends to be straight. Jared pretends to be outgoing, so his loneliness doesn’t consume him. He pretends to be strong. Hoping to convince himself that he is. He pretends to have everything figured out, and his life put together. He’s good at pretending. He doesn’t think of it as lying. So, he’s going to tell his mother that she shouldn’t be concerned about her grown son. Who by the way, is fine. He looks at her, and starts to speak. He takes in her open, loving expression, and suddenly he’s three years old. And he’s broken.

He tries to speak, but only a croak comes out. His eyes have betrayed him, they start spilling liquid over the edges. His face heats up and his insides shatter.

His mother’s arms are firmly around him, and her cheek against his hair. He feels his mother’s warmth, and he tries not to think about how he’s acting like a child. Hell, worse than a child. He was more mature than this at age five.

“Shhh…shh.” She rubs his hair away from his wet face. “Baby, it’s alright. Everything’s alright.” Jared feels himself shaking against her strength. But, it’s calming him down.

“I’m sorry, momma” He manages to tell her. “I should be stronger than this.” He sniffles and pulls away, as he wipes his face.

“Only a strong person can feel their weakness. You’ve just been strong for too long.” She coos at him, wraps an arm around his back, and rubs his shoulder.

Jared breathes in. Letting the air fill his belly, and his eyes go to the ceiling for a second before he exhales. He’s stopped shaking, and crying. He thinks he’s got himself together. He picks Bear back up, to investigate it some more.

“I don’t want you to be mad at me, but I’d like you to tell me something.” His mother starts speaking, and she’s walking on eggshells. Jared doesn’t have the energy or the will to dodge her. She adds, “Only if you want to though.”

“What is it?” He doesn’t even have to ask.

“…Well, Jensen…” She starts, but doesn’t know where to go.

“What about him?” Jared speaks slowly and soft. He doesn’t want to hide any longer.

“You… you, love him… don’t you…?”

Jared breathes in again, and on his exhale he lets a, “yeah” slip out. She doesn’t respond, and for a split second Jared feels a panic attack marching in. Until, he feels her arms tighten around him.

“Momma, I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“What do you mean, baby?”

“I’m just lost. God, am I lost.” She doesn’t pry while Jared tries to elaborate. “I love Jensen, but he doesn’t know how he feels about me. He says he loves me too, hell he started this whole relationship crap in the first place” His mother cuts him off.

“I love you, but you better watch that mouth.” She jokes with a side of not really joking. Jared remembers he’d let ‘hell’ slip out.

“Sorry. I just mean... if I had initiated it, then I’d understand the hesitation. But, I didn’t. No one has even the slightest clue about us. Except Jeff, and now you. He didn’t want me telling you guys and” She cuts him off again.

“Is that why he left?”

“Kind of. He left because he wants to break up, and he didn’t want to do it here.”

His mom is quiet for almost too long. He starts to worry and looks up at her.

“Honey, I don’t think he’d leave you. Can you see the look in his eyes when he’s staring at you? He couldn’t deny it if he wanted to.”

“Well, maybe for us, love isn’t enough.” Jared speaks so quietly that maybe his heart won’t hear it. Maybe it won’t finish breaking. He glances at his phone and wonders again, absentmindedly, if Jensen made it home safe. Stupid, feelings. Why does he even have to care?

“If ya’ll love each other, then that’s enough to get you through anything. Look at all these couples who don’t even like each other, and they seem to make it.” She eyes him. And the phone that he keeps glancing at. “And, playing games sure as hell isn’t gonna get you anywhere.”

Jared stares at her, mouth agape, at the H-E-double hockey sticks word that just came out of his mother’s mouth. She grins at him knowingly.

“If you love him, tell him. If you miss him, call him.” She puts a lock of hair behind his ear, then stands to leave the room. She stops at the door, and contemplates whether or not to say something else.

“What is it, momma?”

“I don’t want to make things worse. But, for the record, if you guys can’t get this worked out: you deserve better than someone who’s gonna hide you in the closet, like you did that silly bear.” She smiles with one corner of her mouth, and closes the door as she exits his room. Jared can’t help the grin on his face. Of course not at the, ‘not working it out’ part. But, the fact that she’d known all along he hadn’t thrown the bear away. Just like she’d probably known he was gay. He stares hard at his phone, and wills Jensen to call him.

 

* * *

 

Jensen sets his bags down when he’s only two steps inside the door. He flips the dead bolt, and plops on his couch. He doesn’t go to bed, shower, or even take his shoes off. He lays his head on the arm, and puts his phone on his belly. He glares at it. Wondering whether to call Jared or not. He’d been pretty mad, and he didn’t want to push him further. But, damn, he needs to make this right. After a few minutes of staring at the dark screen of the phone, his eyes start to wander. They land on some pictures above their fireplace. They were from about a year ago, on a guy’s night out. Jensen recalled the night. He remembered watching Jared as he shaved. He was in a wife beater, about to put on his button down. Jensen’s eyes roamed over his body. The bulging biceps on his lanky frame. The flip of his hair. He remembered watching the way Jared puckered his mouth, all tiny and cute, when he was shaving his chin. At the time Jensen hadn’t really considered being attracted to Jared. They’d both always been strictly chicks. But, looking back. Jensen knew, that at that time, he’d already fallen in love with Jared. Before they were about to walk out the door, Jared pulled out his phone. He excitedly yelled, “SELFIE” half as a joke at teenage girls, and half serious. Jensen remembered growling, groaning, and making fun of Jared for wanting a picture together. But he’d obliged. And now, he still thought that was the best picture they’d ever taken.

His eyes go back down to his phone. Why doesn’t the stubborn ass just call me? Jensen closed his eyes, although he knew sleep wouldn’t come. He was alone in the house they shared. It felt as empty as he did. Even the air conditioner was mocking him. It seemed like it was humming… alooooone, alooooooone as it forced air into the room. His stomach buzzed. What? Wait, it’s his phone. Holy shit, it was a text message. Jensen grabs it and suddenly feels nervous.

_Jared: U home_

That’s all the message said, and Jensen smiled a little. It meant that he wanted to hear from him too, but he didn’t want to be the one to lose the fight. At this moment, Jensen doesn’t give a fuck who loses the fight. He just needs to be ok with Jared.

_Jensen: Yeah_

He sends that immediately, then tries to structure what else to say. While he’s think his phone lights up.

 

_Jared: Way to b informative, ass_

_Jensen: I was thinking_

_…_

_Jared: haven’t u done enough of that_

_…_

_…_

Jensen wants to say a lot. And, text probably isn’t the best but he’ll take it.

_Jensen: I’m home and it feels empty without u_

_…_

_Jared: u told me to stay_

_…_

_Jensen: I know, that’s not what I meant. And that wasn’t the point_

_…_

_…_

_…_

_Jared: I miss u 2_

Well, he wrote it with the letter ‘u’ instead of the word, and the number ‘2’ which means he’s mad. But, at least he wrote it. Before Jensen can write a reply, his phone is ringing.

“Jared?” Jensen sits up, and puts his head in his hand. His heart beating even faster.

“Let’s talk.” Jared’s being curt. But his voice is soft. Jensen immediately notices the cried out tone, and that feels like a stab in his own heart. How could he have hurt his best friend so badly?

“I’m so sorry, Jared.” Jensen doesn’t know where to start. “I never meant to hurt you, you have no idea.. I just..” Jensen doesn’t know what else to say.

“What happened today?” Jared ignored his apology. Jensen tries to formulate an answer.

“I freaked, I don’t know why, I’m sorry.”

“I need more of an explanation than that, Jensen.” His heart dropped through his stomach. Sweat started to pop up on his forehead, and his arms felt shaky.

“Look, I’ve had some time to think. And, I don’t know what happened. I don’t know why I’m so stone cold. I don’t know why I keep hurting you.” He paused and could hear Jared’s breath coming heavy through the phone. “But, what I do know, more than I’ve ever been sure of before, is that I love you. I love you, Jared. And, nothing is ever going to change that. I just need you to know that. I’m nothing without you, I can’t even go to bed, because you’re not here.” Jensen feels a weight lift off of him. But, it quickly comes back with a vengeance when he gets complete silence in return.

“Jared? Jared, talk to me, man. Please. What are you thinking?” Jensen pleaded. He could feel his eyes get bigger, straining. His breaths were shallow, but rapid. “I need you to talk to me.”

“I love you too. But, that’s not enough for us.”

Jensen was shocked. He was speechless. He didn’t know what that meant.

“How is that not enough? Don’t do this Jared, please.”

“Because, I love you. But, that doesn’t mean you can continue to hide me away like you have been. I don’t deserve to be someone’s dirty little secret.”

Jensen gasped, “Is that what you think? That I’m ashamed of you?! God, no, I’m not ashamed of you, Jared! How could you even begin to think that?”

“Well what am I supposed to think, when even my family can’t know we’re together.”

“That wasn’t it Jared, I swear. I love you so much, and I’ve just always been worried, that maybe I was like, a phase, or something of yours. I didn’t want you to tell your family, and tell the public, or anyone else, because where would that put me, when you left.” Jensen has never admitted his vulnerability in his life. But, now it doesn’t matter. He needs this to work. He needs Jared, and nothing else.

“What do I have to do to change your mind? Huh? What do you expect me to do that proves to you, I’m in this for good?” Jared’s voice is louder, verging on angered.

“Nothing, Jared. Nothing. It’s just my problem, in my head. It just doesn’t seem possible that someone like you could ever love somebody… somebody like me. I don’t know. But, you didn’t do anything wrong, ever. It doesn’t matter anymore though. I just want you. You can tell the world if you want, get it tattooed on your forehead. It’s fine by me. If you leave me next week, it will have been worth it. God, just please, Jared, don’t give up on me.” Jensen can’t fathom where this is going to take them. And, it doesn’t matter as long as he has Jared with him.

“… Look, I said I love you. And, it might be the death of me, but I do. The word is so short, and it’s used too often, it isn’t enough. But, it’s all I have. I fucking _love_ you, Jensen. I couldn’t leave you, even if I did want to. But, I don’t. For the record.” Jensen doesn’t know what kind of response Jared is wanting, but he can’t form one. He’s just smiling into the phone.

“Ok? Jensen?” Jared sounds worried now. Jensen’s brain stutters, and stalls. Then creaks back to life.

“Ok? Ok. Hell yeah, Ok!” He can’t hide his happiness.

“So, you want to make this official, right?” Jared questions him with a hint of mischief.

“It is official, Jared. We’re in this together. And, it’s going to be forever. As long as you’ll have me anyway.”

“No more hiding?”

“Nope. If anything you’re gonna get tired of me flaunting you.” Jensen still feels giddy. Jared is quiet for a long while.

“So,… how about I leave here, and catch a plane to vegas?” Jensen’s heart stops. He’s completely confused.

“What? I thought we were ok. Why wouldn’t you come home? Jared, I said I’m sorry. We can” Jared cuts him off.

“Vegas because there are wedding chapels in Las Vegas.” Jared doesn’t elaborate any more than that. But Jensen is pretty sure that he probably heard the click in his brain, over the phone. He realized what Jared was proposing. That, Jared was proposing.

“Are you sure?” His question is answered with a laugh.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Yes, I’m sure. Of course I’m sure. I want you to be mine. Officially. Legally. I told you, I’m in this forever. Let’s do this.” Jensen is stunned for just a second before an actual squeal comes out of his mouth. He hears a hysterical laugh booming through the phone into his ear.

“I guess that’s a yes?” Jared gloats.

“Oh my GOD it’s a yes. I’ll meet you there in two hours. Ok?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Jared?”

“Mhmm?”

“If you ever tell anyone about that high shrieked air conditioner sound that you think just came out of my mouth and probably assumed was a squeal, I’ll murder you.”

“Sure thing.” Jared smiles. “I’ll see you in two hours.”

“I’ll be waiting.” Jensen hangs up the phone and skips out the door, because no one is watching.

 

* * *

 

The minister unfolds a napkin that Jared had addressed to him while on the plane. It was their vows. The tailored version. Jensen’s hands are inside Jared’s, and the minister clears his throat.

“If you Mr. Ackles, take Jared Tristan Padalecki as your husband, you agree to always be open with him. You agree to love him, and to remember that he loves you as well. You are agreeing to stand by him. You will lay beside him in paradise, just as you will walk beside him in the thunder. Mr. Padalecki, if you take Jensen Ross Ackles as your husband, you agree to always be open with him. You agree to love him, and to remember that he loves you too. You will stand by him. You’ll lay with him in paradise, as steadily as you’ll walk with him through the storms. Do you both agree, that from this moment until death, that you’ll do all of these things, and more for the benefit of your matrimony?”

Jared’s heart swells when he takes in Jensen’s sparkling eyes. He takes a breath from his stomach, and says with a smile, “It’s what we do.” Jensen holds back an eye roll, because damn this moment can’t possibly contain any negativity. He says, “We do.”

“Then you may kiss your husband.” The minister steps back.

“Don’t mind if I do” Mumbles Jensen as he places his lips onto his husband’s for the first kiss of the many that forever will hold.


End file.
